I’ve been feeling quite sad for four days or so now.  That is not the norm for me and usually if I am sad it lasts a day or two or until I finish the chocolate whatever I’m eating to make myself feel better.  But this time around no amount of chocolate anything could make me feel better.  I think that the thing that bothered me most about this sadness is that I couldn’t figure out why I was sad.  I don’t mind being sad, within reason but I like to know why I’m feeling sad.  -Guess that means I’m also a control freak!

I realized last night that April always makes me sad.  Why?  First of all the suffering that Christ endured the day of his crucifixion and leading up to it makes me sad.  But three years ago Easter took on a whole new meaning.  Not only did Christ die at Easter but my best friend Scott died the week before Easter and on Easter Sunday, three years ago, I started a 10 journey that would find me lying on the floor of a vet hospital, making midnight IV runs to a vet hospital and getting 10 pills a day down my precious spaniel’s throat as I tried desperately to save her from pancreatic cancer.  Unfortunately, my efforts ended not as I had hoped and this amazing dog had to be put to sleep.  No doubt the most difficult day of my life to date.

That is the wonderful thing about animals, unconditional love like no other.  Unfortunately, death does have to come with animals, its inevitable.  The same is true for Christ, unconditional love like no other, death came, but thank goodness resurrection and Hope* followed.  My Hope died in the material form three years ago but I know I’ll see that precious spaniel again someday in heaven.  Thank goodness my spiritual Hope never went away.  It is Hope, in the spiritual sense that gets me through everyday.  I’m glad I’ve  experienced both.


About artofautism45

I'm the single mom of a child on the autism spectrum. My entire life is about advocating for him and making his life everything it can be. In my spare time, well, I take care of his adorable spaniel named Kirby and try to work a bit, I'm a voice improvement coach and theatre director by trade.
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